he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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