I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Randomize
