take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
