why didn't you poke me back
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
