There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
