so let's talk penis.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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