Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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