Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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