Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
