My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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