That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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