Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
