Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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