This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
