i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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