why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
