saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
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please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
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So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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