Can Purell be used as lube?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Randomize
