I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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