Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
