The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
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i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
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And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
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