wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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