i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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