She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
