I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
we made out on top of his cat.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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