Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
