My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
