It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
