Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
