it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
What's dad's email?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.