we have pet lesbian snakes
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.