i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.