that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.