In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
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Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
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Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.