if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions