Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.