your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
