escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
