In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Randomize
