I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
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