Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Can I color on your dick again?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
