I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
