What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
