I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
We talked him into tasing himself.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Randomize
