Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
