He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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