i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
