i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
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