I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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