Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
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It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
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Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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