i just identified you from a description of your pipe
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
