You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
