I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
