i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
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