you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
