He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
