I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
