Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
