i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
