god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
4 words: hood of his car
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
