Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
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