We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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