Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Someone signed my nipple.
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