STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I am naked and annoyed.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
