He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
