Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
