she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
