He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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