Moan for me like Helen Keller
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
