it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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