She is in my trunk
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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