come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
YAS. BRING CRAB.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
