Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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