i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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