Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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