im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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