at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
