Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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