You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
