Tell her she can't have a vagina
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
